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Holiday Turkey and Some Brazen Breast Augmentation

November 28th, 2019 · No Comments · France

For the fourth year running we hosted a Thanksgiving dinner in our little town in the south of France.

We expanded the invitation list by two people to take it to 10, counting the hosts, and it went off pretty well.

Well, it kinda had to be memorable, given that we had a turkey with augmented breasts.

Turns out this has not been a good year for raising turkeys, in France. A long summer drought might have had something to do with it.

The upshot: Turkeys came to the bird butcher’s shop a couple of pounds lighter than usual. At first, we were dealing with a bird of maybe eight pounds — or about two pounds lighter than we hoped for.

The butcher had a plan to get us what we wanted.

He offered to take the breasts from another underweight turkey, and slide them under the skin of the bird we were considering.

We said “OK,” but it did seem a little weird to be enhancing the bird’s breasts.

We could instantly tell the difference. It was the poultry equivalent of going from a pair of A cups to a couple of D cups.

Which gave us the 10-pound turkey we had wanted. And a lot of white meat.

When we told our guests that they would be eating a bird with augmented breasts … well, it sounded a little like a Carol Doda story. Or, worse, perhaps about artificially enlarged bird parts.

Nope. It was simple. The butcher took the two “donor” breasts and stitched them atop the original small breasts, then closed up the chest cavity with twine.

Thanksgiving dinner went on as usual for a gathering that was half American and half non-American, The cultural tourists were two French diners, two Australian and one Irish.

The traditional items were served — mashed potatoes, stuffing, giblet gravy and a green-bean casserole. The one new appearance on the menu were roasted Brussels sprouts and mushrooms, which went over well. For dessert: Pumpkin custard served in ramekins and topped by whipped cream, and a homemade apple pie. And, in a nod to our host country, Champagne and a very nice red, a Cotes du Rhone Villages, made appearances, arriving early and staying late.

But what may last longer in the memory was the turkey with an unnaturally large chest.


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