Where was this when I was growing up with two brothers and a father who talked about destroying all-you-can-eat restaurants? Guys who would snatch choice morsels off your plate if you looked over at the TV for three seconds or blow through a half-gallon of chocolate chip you brought home last night.

A refrigerator with a lock!

Right here in the Teeny Apartment. Something I had seen … but hadn’t.

Apparently, they take fridge-raiding seriously, here in the United Arab Emirates.

So,  some questions:

–You know when you see those demonstrations in which people are shown to be really bad at seeing what they see? Eyewitnesses can’t be trusted, and all? I used to think “that’s not me. I’d be a great eyewitness!”

Well, I looked at that round metallic, oh, keyhole near the top of my refrigerator for three full months until a friend was over and said, “Nobody has told me yet why refrigerators in this country have locks on them.” Oh! That’s … a lock? I thought I was a peep hole or something … maybe?

–They don’t actually still make refrigerators that you can’t get out of from the inside, do they? If you’re old enough … you remember the occasional tragic news story (from the 1950s or so) about some kid climbing inside an abandoned fridge and, yes, suffocating. This used to happen. My impression is that in the U.S. all fridges have to be open-able from the inside. Magnets and stuff instead of latches.

–Can we test this out? Who’s the smallest person we know over here who’s not a kid? OK, it’s one of two people … and we can invite one of them over, take out all the stuff in the fridge, pull out a couple of racks, and have the little person (but not a Little Person) climb inside, and close the door … and see if she can get out. Must be able to, right?

–Could this be about the pattern of sharing accommodations, in this city/country? We had a story today about how something like 20 people lived in one four-bedroom apartment. Well, maybe if it’s your fridge, and you share a room with 3-4 people, or an apartment with 18-19, you like the idea of being able to lock up the thing so your leftover chicken tikka doesn’t walk away in the middle of the night. Maybe that’s it.

Well, no. After not really looking at that “thing that sorta looks like a peep hole in my fridge” and then being told by a friend that, yes, it is a lock … and then finding the keys atop the freezer (which, btw, also locks, even though it has its own door) … just now I actually read the warning sign right next to the peep hole-that-actually-is-a-lock.

And this is what it says:

“CAUTION

“To Prevent A Child From Being Entrapped, Keep Out Of Reach Of Children And Not In The Vicinity Of Children.”

What? I’m supposed to keep the fridge out of reach of children? The lock? Oh, maybe the key? But if it’s locked, how do they climb inside? Wouldn’t they need accomplice kids? “Hey, Jimmy! You climb inside and I’ll lock it  and then leave …”

Well, that’s almost as dumb as having the smallest adults I know here in Abu Dhabi test it out.

OK. Hold it. We have a moment of clarity here. I have just picked up the keys (a spare; one for you and the only person you trust to raid your fridge) … and printed on the keys are these words:

“CAUTION: TO PREVENT CHILDREN BEING ENTRAPPED KEEP THE KEY (then there is an arrow which seems to indicate “turn over the key, stupid”) OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN AND NOT IN THE VICINITY OF THE APPLIANCE”

OK. So some lame company (Daewoo, actually) still makes a fridge that apparently you can’t escape from while inside. Though I can’t see how this would be, staring at the inner side of the door …

So, why does this part of the world want to lock up its fridge and freezer? Food theft? Child endangerment? Just another key to carry around on a really big ring?

Strange. Very. But that is a lock. It does work. I can keep my lamb vindaloo under lock and key. And, yes, it’s kinda weird.