The United States plays in the soccer world’s cupcake federation.

Concacaf, the North and Central American and Caribbean federation, is guaranteed three berths in the World Cup, and the Americans should earn one of those three berths Every Single Time.

After Mexico, the only Concacaf side that can be anticipated to be reasonably competitive is Costa Rica.

Even if those two qualify for the World Cup in a given quadrennium … the U.S. can still get to the main event by qualifying ahead of the likes of Jamaica, Trinidad & Tobago and Honduras, usually the strongest (or least-weak) of Concacaf’s leftovers.

And now, apparently, we need to add Guatemala to that list of semi-credible opponents.

The American streak of seven consecutive appearances in the World Cup finals, going back to 1990, is in real jeopardy following a limp, 2-0 loss to Guatemala tonight in Guatemala City.

And even before we weigh up What Needs to Be Done … we must stop and ask ourselves:

Is a humiliating exit in the second-to-last Concacaf qualifying round an acceptable price to pay … if it means coach Jurgen Klinsmann is fired?

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After six consecutive Easter weeks in Abu Dhabi, the first in 2010, the 2016 Easter season finds me in the south of France, and attending a Maundy Thursday service in a tiny chapel in a village a half-hour drive from where we live.

Again, the first big surprise is that the area has any English-language Protestant services at all.

It was an Anglican/Church of England service, of course; I am not aware of any other English-language service in the area.

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These next five days are crucial in the history of UAE soccer.

What looked like one of the best teams in Asia, a year ago, probably needs to win twice at home — versus Palestine tomorrow and Saudi Arabia on Tuesday — just to make the final round of continental qualifying for the Russia 2018 World Cup.

The pressure will be enormous.

This is the Emirati team that was supposed to make a major push for a spot at Russia.

Going out even before the final round of Asia qualifying would be a disaster, perhaps a defining one for the players, coaches and federation.

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The terror attacks in Brussels today killed at least 30 in bombings at the airport and on the metro system.

It continues the modern blight of Islamic State-sanctioned attacks around the world, from Syria and Iraq and Turkey to Paris, Belgium, North Africa and California.

The first impulse is to cringe. If only we lie still, the bombs or bullets will not reach us. If we stay in our houses, perhaps we will be safe.

The second is to attack. Deport perceived enemies, bomb them, kill them.

The rational approach, once those two extremes of emotion have run their course?

Carry on.

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Thing about surveys, they can be interpreted in lots of directions.

Including one released last week ranking 157 countries of the world on the basis of “happiness.”

Denmark is No. 1, sad Burundi of Africa is last.

The Reuters story, linked above, seemed keen to fixate on the United States ranking 13th — which actually seems pretty good, considering how badly things are going there, at least according to politicians.

I find it interesting on another level: How well democracies did in the survey.

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If you are interested in brand-name entertainment in this part of southern France you pretty much have to go to Montpellier, the region’s big-ish (270,000 people) city.

For example, want to see a touring group from the Cirque du Soleil acrobatics/circus company?

Montpellier is for you. One Cirque group played the city this weekend, bringing an organization best known for its madly popular Las Vegas shows into the Languedoc-Roussillon area.

And at least one of us was quite eager to take advantage of the opportunity.

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Most of us know almost nothing about anything. We get things wrong all the time. We jump to conclusions. We get facts mixed up. We hear it wrong in the first place.

But compared to professional weather forecasters, we are all prophets inspired by Providence.

In theory, we long ago entered an age in which reliable weather reports are the norm. Satellite images, and all. The new and old hardware that make this a science, not an art — or a shot in the (not predicted) dark.

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With just more than three-and-a-half minutes to play in their NCAA West Regional tournament game today, Cal State Bakersfield was inbounding the ball in a game against Oklahoma that it trailed only 69-65.

That would be Big-Dance-First-Timers Bakersfield. That would be In-D2-a-Decade-Ago Bakersfield. A team with one starter taller than 6-foot-4.

The ball was inbounded to leading scorer Aly Ahmed, the 6-foot-9 center from Egypt, who was alone at the top of the three-point line. Ahmed took his time and fired off a trey, no doubt exactly the shot coach Rod Barnes wanted … and Ahmed just missed.

Had that shot gone in, cutting Oklahoma’s lead to 69-68 with 3:29 to play … well, Michigan State might not have been the only No. 2 seed this day to be shocked out of the tournament by a No. 15 seed.

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Just the other day I was thinking about how remarkable it is that nation states that don’t like each other often manage to go on playing soccer matches.

I was thinking in particular of the Asian Champions League, which this year has three groups that include clubs from both Saudi Arabia and Iran — which are political and military regional rivals and, usually, top-of-the-list “don’t-invitems” when it comes to social activities.

Turns out, I got ahead of myself.

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This is when fans of Cal State Bakersfield athletics say: “It was worth it after all!”

Ten years ago, the Roadrunners gave up a fine reputation as one of the best programs in NCAA Division II … and made the bold/scary/expensive decision to make the climb to Division I, where the big kids play.

That led to four seasons in transition, when the school was a neither/nor school ineligible for any NCAA tournaments or playoffs, and that led finally to Division I status in the summer of 2010 — which in basketball began with three seasons as an independent, which is no way to get ahead.

In 2013, Bakersfield joined the ever-changing Western Athletic Conference, and in the Roadrunners’ third year in the WAC they won the conference tournament, earning a place in the 2016 NCAA Tournament thanks to a three-pointer by Dedrick Basile with 0.2 seconds to play that gave them a 57-54 victory over New Mexico State in the WAC title game over the weekend.

And now? A trip to Oklahoma City and a No. 15 seed (that would be Bakersfield) versus a No. 2 seed Friday matchup in the West Regional against (gulp) Oklahoma.

However that turns out, Cal State Bakersfield this week will seize a place on the college basketball map — a status denied to programs in playing for championships in D2 or D3.

The school and the athletic department will get more national recognition this week than it has in the history of the school.

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