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Ballpark Food You Can’t Afford and Shouldn’t Eat

March 31st, 2018 · 1 Comment · Baseball, Dodgers

The Guardian, an English newspaper, is amused by the concept of ballpark food. England having nothing quite like it — baseball is just about nonexistent there, so the idea of baseball food … not going to happen in their daily lives.

It doesn’t mean the writers and photographers and editors aren’t fascinated/horrified by some of the more over-the-top creations that ballclubs and their concessionaires (Aramark, often) come up with on an annual basis.

Which leads to photo galleries like this one — which this year carries the headline: “Here comes the meat and cheese Armageddon: MLB stadium foods 2018”.

What we have at the link are 16 elaborate dishes, some of which may be available for sale at a ballpark near you.

Go have a look, and come back.

I’m not sure I would order any of the 16. It looks like a shock to the human body perhaps survivable only by teenage boys and young men under the age of 25.

The scariest one is the Steak and Ale Tots, available at Chase Field, home of the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Here are the ingredients: “Crispy tots topped with Four Peaks Kilt Lifter cheese sauce, Philly rib-eye steak, onion mushroom and chive sour cream.”

It looks potentially lethal, but it also seems a bit stingy. Those are Tater Tots at the base of that mountain of food, yes? Can’t you get a batch of those at the grocery store and not spend much money?

Then there is a Frankensteinian creation called the Reuben Cuban served, of course, at a Florida stadium, this one Tampa’s Tropicana Field.

I like a hotdog, now and then. I have had my share of Dodger Dogs. I also like reuben sandwiches. I am not sure they should be paired.

It’s like creating a confusing item pairing something semi upscale with something profoundly downmarket.

“Hmm, a deli sandwich … wait, is that the skin of a hotdog? And should a hotdog be coated with Thousand Island dressing? Should the corned beef of a Reuben rub shoulders with the mystery meat that is the American hotdog?”

Perhaps the most confusing of the lot is the Pretzel Chicken Croissant offered at Dodger Stadium.

I have spent some time studying the photo, and I can’t make out where anything is. I the chicken at the bottom? Is it inside something else? Has “chicken” been put in the name to make you think “ah, maybe it’s not a caloric H-bomb because it’s got chicken in it … someplace.”

The least appealing is the Mile High Mac-n-Cheese available at Coors Field in Denver.

Even if we consider the possibility that the dish has been sitting out a bit too long ahead of the photo session … but it looks a lot like what a big dog might leave on the carpet if it ate something … that perhaps had been dead a day too long.

I understand how these elaborate dishes come to be offered — usually at just one stand in the whole of the stadium.

If customers are willing to pay the astonishing prices for tickets, well, they must have at least another C-note in their pockets for a more elaborate nosh.

And if they are OK with the scary notion of pork leavings and nitrates, the whole of it blackened, as often as not (the delicious something we call a Dodger Dog) … it is a good bet the customers will try something  fattier, saltier, scarier — and pay a lot of money for the pleasure.

No wonder the Brits find it fascinating.




1 response so far ↓

  • 1 Gil // Mar 31, 2018 at 1:17 PM

    Or at the Mariners’ park, have some toasted grasshoppers.

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