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A Fanciful View of Football, Starring Andres Iniesta

January 15th, 2018 · No Comments · Barcelona, College football, Football, monkey, NFL, soccer

I was made aware today of this video, which is based on the Barcelona midfield standout Andres Iniesta showing “There is a first time for everything” by trying something new — American football.

It is an advertisement for an online foreign-exchange trader known as UFX, and the notion of the elfin Iniesta (5-foot-7, maybe 130 pounds) on the gridiron with larger men … well, it has some value.

The trouble with the ad, to those of us for whom American football is not a new experience … are the dozens (it seems) of mistaken impressions it leaves behind.

Whoever made this video doesn’t know the game and builds in so many errors in to the video that it almost feels like a game: “How many mistakes can you find?!”

Have a look, perhaps — it’s only 55 seconds — and see what is patently wrong, and see if we agree on many of them.

–Iniesta has his surname on the front of his jersey. That does not happen in American football. Turns out, every jersey front we can see has a name on it. American football has names on the back — or not at all. In this video, names are front and back.

–What are the names of the teams? For a brief second around the 17-second mark, we see a semi-familiar score bar at the bottom of the frame. It appears the REDZ are leading the BLKS (Blacks?) 24-20. At one point we can see REDZ on a sign across the field. But we never get a name for the (maybe) Blacks. We get front and back names (Baker, Mansfield, Allen) but no team name. Never happens.

–No name, but the guys in the black-and-green uniforms appear to have an “angry monkey” logo on their helmets. The monkey appears to be wearing a headset. Sure.

–We get a suggestion the BLKS are facing fourth-and-12 with 11 seconds left in the fourth quarter. Note, however, that the bar does not leave enough space — in the “clock” portion of the bar — for more than two digits. Which makes it useless for anything more than 59 seconds.

–The line-of-scrimmage shot is a mess. Start with the jersey numbers. Iniesta appears to be at right guard — wearing No. 8. Illegal in the NFL and colleges too, I believe. Note that No. 76 appears to be in motion, which means an eligible receiver — which no No. 76 ever is. The quarterback is wearing No. 32 — and I haven’t seen a pro or college QB wearing any number higher than 19 since John Hadl retired in 1977, taking No. 21 with him.

–The defense appears to be lined up in a 3-3 (?) formation, and one of the linemen is standing up. Then observe that the defenders are lined up a full two yards away from the line of scrimmage. Never happens.

–Consider the officials. They are waving their arms, once before the timeout and once during the game. What are they trying to tell us? Other than “I was told to do this!” by the director.

–The abusive coach is bigger, by far, than any of his “players”, and how often do you see that? When Art Shell was coaching? Forrest Gregg? In general, the players all are undersized. (Which hammers home how tiny Iniesta is.)

–Iniesta catching the ball reminds me of soccer players awkwardly catching a ball before a throw-in. Also, as a right guard, he is an ineligible receiver.

–The jersey numbers of the mob of defenders coming at Iniesta do not track from “before” to “after”. And, obviously, no one ever faced that kind of wall of opponents on anything other than an onside kick. Iniesta does some acting (wide eyes!), though, showing his alarm at the onrushing opponents.

–Iniesta jumps/walks over the bodies of his opponents, pivoting 360 degrees on the helmet of the final one. Sure. (At least this is overtly fanciful. No problems with that.)

–As an announcer shouts “touchdown!” Iniesta takes the football in his childlike hand and slams it on the turf — which is exactly would happen if this were a rugby game.

–The coach celebrates this victory by kissing his assistant. Complete with a sucking sounds and the assistant doing a double take. Been a while since I saw that, NFL or college.

–Iniesta’s celebratory dance would be the worst in NFL history, if it were real. He needed some help there.

I am not opposed to the concept of the renowned Iniesta trying to show there “is a first time for everything”. But any one of tens of millions of Americans could have made the American football part of this realistic.

(Get the numbers right, have Iniesta play tight end, rather than right guard, etc. And then the fantastical parts, with Iniesta dancing on the heads of a half-dozen defenders … that’s fine.)

The video could have tracked with American football realities in such a way that we would not be left feeling … as if we know more about foreign exchange than the director does about American football.



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